Licentiate Columns

Licentiate Column 18/08/11: I’m the Chairman of the Bored.

People who follow my blog and my facebook and twitter friends (this isn’t a plug, I promise) are no doubt tired of my ranting about what a boring month August is.

The sale rails have disappeared.  The new autumn stock is dribbling into the shops at the pace of an exhausted geriatric turtle towards a triathalon finishing line.  I alternate between falling asleep at my computer and wondering when the weather will become terrible enough for me to justify wearing a scarf and gloves again.

If August was a place it would be limbo.  It is was a colour it would be beige.  If it was a beauty pageant, it would be the Rose of Tralee (because even Father Ted’s ‘Lovely Girls’ pageant acknowledged a smear of irony).  If it was a vegetable, it would be a potato… you see where I’m going here.

We are on the cusp of autumn, between a rock and a very disappointing weather forecast.  If you’re in Ireland reading this, then you’ll know that this hasn’t been the most clement summer, both sun and news wise.  Depending on your general outlook, holiday plans and susceptibility to SAD, it may have been downright depressing.

The contents of a bag brought out for an evening in the local beer garden will include sunglasses, a brolly and something woolly. Your SPF will quite possibly explode in your overstuffed purse and as you open it to see your phone and wallet cover in protectant gunk you wonder ‘when will this bloody summer ever END’? Not that that’s ever happened to me. ‘Hem.

It would be too easy to blame both the weather and the still-novel immediacy of internet-instigated information sharing for this Autumn malaise.  In reality, we’re all just impatient.

Fashion addicts have already seen the September issue covers, the high-street lookbooks, the catwalk shows in London and Milan.  Now we just have to wait for the items to drop in the shops so we can get excited again.  It’s not unlike an actual addiction, but with much less significant withdrawal symptoms.  Whoever heard of a crack addict dying of boredom?

In fashion, unlike life, the fun in getting something isn’t in the anticipation.  It’s in the the tactile sensations of holding an object, like seeing a work of art that you had only seen previously in books, or the visual zing of seeing it in a fashion editorial, styled by a person with a sharp eye and singular vision. We want it and we want it now.  Veruca Salt has nothing on us.

So, where does this leave us in August, possibly the least august month?  The crack in the door to a new season has yet to expand and we’re all still looking through the keyhole.  The world can be such an inspiring place, but when you’re waiting for something to happen, the things we love can fade into white noise.

I don’t have any constructive advice I’m afraid.  Just sit tight and see what happens. Oh, and while we’re on advice, wear sunscreen.  And make sure that the top is secured firmly when you pop it in your bag.

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