>OK, deep breaths. We’ve nearly got through it.  The festive season is upon us.  It’s almost over.  All the legwork has been done, the presents have been bought and distributed, champagne has been put in the icebox (and in my house, for some reason, the vegetable crisper) in anticipation of the stroke of twelve on New Years Eve.  You can do it.  We’re on the home stretch now.
The last column covered the problem of clothing as Christmas presents, the one before that, the problem of dressing for the wintry weather, the one before that, the problem of dressing for Christmas parties.  Sometimes I wish that Christmas was three months long just so I could write about how problematic a combination Christmas and my clothing is, not least how hard it is to fit into my impulse-buy leather pants after yet another mince pie too many.

Yep, I’m a Scrooge.  At the very least, I am an amped-up modern Scrooge, like Bill Murray in 80’s tacktastic remake, ‘Scrooged’, where he plays a bepermed television executive who eventually learns the error of his ways… or at least I think he does.  I was definitely not paying attention.

I don’t hate Christmas – I love it.  I love seeing my family and reuniting with homeward bound friends, I love giving (and receiving) presents, I love that it’s an excuse to eat as much breaded, deep fried brie as you can physically handle while glued to a Judy Garland marathon.  All of these activities are best undertaken wearing a ratty, too-big t-shirt of your dads and a pair or droopy treggings (bonus points for fashioning a little red Snuggie into a cape, extra bonus points for going to the pub in such an ensemble).

Christmas and New Years are times to be comfortable.  That’s my problem.  I know that, once the 6th of January has come and gone and a million Christmas trees are slowly turning brown after being shunted in a million back yards, I will have to put on the skinny jeans again.  And when I realise that the skinny jeans won’t go past my kneecaps, the party really will be over.  It’s not for nothing that the average weight gain over the Christmas period is seven pounds.

And then, the New Years resolutions.  The juice fasts.  The pilates.  The expensive gym memberships.  The rice cakes, an endless stream of them, all masticated methodically in order to fit back into those impossible jeans again.  First the binge, then the purge.  It’s a cliche to call it a vicious cycle, but it really is vicious; it’s a snarling beast that wakes you up every day at 6am to go for a jog before work and forces you at gunpoint to put down that Galaxy Caramel – now.

All the same, humans have a short memory and are remarkably resilient creatures (or incredible masochists).  We put ourselves through this torture because we know we’ll get to do it all again in a matter of months; and we love it.   If that seven pounds doesn’t slide off so easily and the jeans remain a bit tight, so what?  That’s what the January sales are for.

LICENTIATE FESTIVE NOTICE!   There will be no column next week.  The next Licentiate column goes up on the 7th of January, so stay tuned.  From the second of January, there will be some very special posts from very special Irish bloggers – more on that in the New Years.  
As you may know, this humble blog has been listed as one of Ireland’s most influential fashion blogs!  You can vote for me by clicking on the link, finding my blog (I’m number 42) and clicking the vote button.  Thanks so much to everyone who has supported my blog so far, all you comments and emails are much appreciated.  HUG!
P.S And if you’re not going to vote for me, please vote for one of the other superb Irish blogs out there, who are all super nice, very talented and equally deserving of your vote.

>I’m no Martin King (a blessing in disguise) but I don’t need to switch on the weather forecast to know that it is pretty darn cold outside. Freezing, in fact. If everything isn’t covered in a few feet of virgin snow, then the roads and footpaths are covered in a gleaming membrane of ice, like a mirrored pool of glass.
We Irish are not well equipped for cold weather. We’re used to rain and clouds and mild temperatures. We are not used to spending half an hour gingerly clopping on frozen paths to the shop next door with the careful stride of a dressage pony, just to avoid slipping gracelessly on our behinds in hopelessly impractical shoes.
Worst of all is the total standstill of the country’s transport system, due to a complete lack of snow tyres and grit for the roads. We are just plain ill-prepared. But that’s a story for a different column.
I have no solution to the transport problem (except maybe to recommend investing in shares in salt) but I can help with the clothing issue. Here are a few tips for dressing appropriately for sub-zero weather.
1. Hat, scarves, gloves. All in a colour that suit your skin tone. You’re going to be wearing these all the time, so the general rule is that it’s better that they match your face rather than your outfit, even if your nose is now the colour of a bowl of cranberry sauce. Once you have your hat, scarf and gloves, buy some spares. Donate them to your local SVP, because there are a hell of a lot of freezing homeless people out there who desperately need them.
2. Thermal underwear is your friend. It is no flaky friend either. Thermal underwear is the kind of friend that you can ring up in the middle of the night right after a break-up and moan to ad nauseum without judgement or complaint. Thermal underwear is the kind of friend that will always be there for you. If you want a super-retro look, then go for lumberjack long johns. It’s best to wear these in bed, because going to the bathroom in long johns is the kind of gargantuan task that Bear Grylls would find difficult on a good day. Failing that, thermal tees and leggings can be found at reasonably cheap prices in many of the larger clothing chains. Some thermals also act like full body Spanx, which is no bad thing.
3. Always, always layer your clothing. Layering isn’t a fashion buzzword; in cold weather it’s a vital component of dressing. If you go out in a t-shirt and huge coat, get too hot, then take off your coat, your body will cool down much too fast, making you more susceptible to colds and flu. This would be why I am currently typing with one hand, the other now glued to a Kleenex which, in turn, is glued to my runny nose. Learn from my mistake. Dress in many thin layers, not one huge one.
4. Look to the Scandinavians for inspiration. We’ve already taken our economic cues from Iceland, now we should think about the way they dress. Tailored trousers, warm, thick tights, waterproof boots with sturdy soles, chunky knits and lashings of fur, faux or otherwise are all great options. Up the glamour ante with your hair, jewellery and accessories.
5. Tread very carefully. Full body casts are so last year.